Nadine

A friend just asked me this question. I am in the mood for some writing, and this tumblr happens to need some updating. So here goes!

I was a strong Christian since young. It was very natural to believe in Jesus Christ. In fact, I never once doubted His existence. He was the powerful guy who helped the poor, the needy. He healed people. He performed miracles. I knew it all in theory. However, if you ask me how being a Christian was like, I would probably shrug my shoulders. It was just another religion to me.

As I grew older, I grew lazier. Waking up at 8am for this “Jesus” guy was too tiring! I’d rather sleep. Every Sunday, it will be the usual dialogue. “Wake up, go church already!” “Mummy, I want to sleep.” Usually, I had my way. After awhile, I had my way for good. My entire family stopped attending church as well. That was in Primary 5.

Life continued on as per normal for me. There was no need for a God in my life. I went on to secondary school. I did well, and was even 8th in level in Sec 1! Nothing was amiss. I had great friends and a great family.

Well, things changed in Sec 2. At that age, friends meant the world to me! I found out about some nasty things they were saying. I was hurt, but I had to put up a strong front and pretended like I didn’t care. After awhile, I kinda wonder if there is more to life. A friend suggested going back to church (she stopped attending church too) and I agreed.

First church I tried - failed! People there were so cliquish I felt so out of place whenever I went. I know going to church was for God! But God created friends for a reason, dude! Thus, I left the 2nd church.

Thankfully, God wasn’t about to give up on me so easily. I found my way to… Heart of God Church :) I went there, it was a really cool-looking place. Friendly people (Y). Nice music (Y). Convenient location (it was in Dhoby Ghaut then) (Y). Interesting Word (Y). All the (Y) made me decide that this was the church I was going to be planted in.

To say the truth, I never though of being strong in my faith. All I wanted was to just go to a church! But as I went, somehow God was working something inside of me.

I remembered the first time I teared while worshipping God… I was a Christian since 5 years old. I never knew what it meant to feel the presence of God. That day, I finally understood. And getting to know God is something addictive. Once you had it for the first time, you crave for the 2nd time. 

And then, that “peace” became my medicine. Whenever something happened at home, or in school, somehow that was the first “medicine” I could think of. It took away sadness, but it didn’t numb me. It gave me joy, but it wasn’t just temporary. It gave me peace, and that peace came from the inside out.

As you grow older, your problems grow bigger. In secondary school, it was friendship problems. When you were J1, it was the fear of promotional exams. After getting your A levels results, it was the worry of getting into a good university. But I’ve learnt that as my problems grow bigger, it was God’s way of manifesting His love in a greater measure. In my life, I experienced God in the greatest way at 1 such moment.

In J1, something happened at home and overnight, I lost the love of a father. I was very lost. My mum cried and I’ve never seen her done so before! In my eyes, she was a strong woman. She started working at 16 years old to support her family. Nothing was impossible for her! But yet, she broke down in front of me. I was the older one in the family. Suddenly I felt the responsibility of taking care of my mother and younger brother. Life was so stressful. But the same weekend, God’s medicine came. No more worries, but peace. He was in control. Thinking back, I did not know I could have survived through that period without God.

So my friend, why am I so strong in my faith? There are so many answers… The hope God gave me when I was lost. The joy He gave me when I was down. The peace He gave me when I was worried. He told me this once, and I felt His overwhelming love. I believe He wants to tell you this as well.

“All those times you were running around, lost, and looking for a purpose in life… It didn’t go unnoticed. I saw it. And I was the One who brought you back to me.”